Do you want to settle a dispute, resolve a conflict, or repair a relationship?

Prior to their mediation session it’s important for each party to consider the goal they are hoping to achieve through mediation.

Settle a dispute

A dispute is a competing claim over rights, money, facts or responsibilities. When parties are not able to settle a dispute through negotiating on their own, an impartial mediator can help  ease tension and facilitate a discussion about potential solutions that satisfy their needs. The mediator helps parties shift their focus from “right” and “wrong” to consider what their common interests are in achieving an agreement.The dispute is settled when all parties agree to a solution, or set of solutions, and any applicable next steps. The mediator does not force the parties to settle the dispute or accept a particular solution. The mediator usually drafts a written agreement and next steps which the parties sign. 

If settlement is the goal, a mediator can help parties negotiate to reach a solution that may be more creative than what a court might impose. In the mediated solution, it will be up to the parties to adhere to the agreement and follow through on the next steps. The agreement should include a dispute resolution process in case things change for any party over the course of the agreement and/or next steps are not implemented as agreed.

Resolve a conflict

Sometimes there is an underlying conflict behind, or that’s part of, the dispute and parties want to resolve that conflict. A conflict exists when there is an actual or perceived difference in values, needs, goals, ideas or ways of doing things resulting in stress or tension. This is more than a competing claim over rights or responsibilities; it has an emotional content and goes to the level of deeply held values, approaches, and beliefs.

When the goal is to resolve a conflict, the parties want to relieve the tension between them and re-open their communication so they can understand their differences to reach an agreement. The mediator is not only facilitating a negotiation but also a social process. The mediator’s presence as a neutral third party disrupts the old pattern of interaction between parties to create a new dynamic of shared interest that enables parties to collaborate to resolve their conflict.

Mediation (as well as negotiation and conciliation) can be used to resolve conflicts and disputes. Litigation and arbitration focus on resolving disputes only. With mediation, parties have more control over the outcome than through a legal or arbitration process.

Repair a relationship

Repairing relationships is important when parties in a conflict want to continue their relationship after the conflict is resolved. For example colleagues at work who need to continue working together, neighbours who live next to each other, people who are close or intimate friends, and business partners. By encouraging parties to work collaboratively at resolving their disagreement, mediation helps to improve communication and understanding, which can help repair relationships.

When relationship repair is the goal, an omnipartial mediator will help parties to separate the substantive issues in the conflict from the relationship issues, and deal with each in order of their priority to the parties. The distinction between substantive and relationship issues helps parties to separate the person from the problem, and to become curious about their own and other parties’ situation, concerns, needs and perceptions. Substantive issues include price, terms, conditions, timelines, deliverables and so on. Relationship issues involve things like trust, respect, integrity, etc.

The mediation process will promote effective communication between parties as well as constructive interpersonal problem-solving strategies. In the process, parties will develop greater self-awareness and a better understanding of others. As parties become more comfortable in effectively communicating their needs, actively listening to others’ needs, identifying their common needs and collaborating to find solutions, they begin to repair their relationships. 

It takes time and effort to repair and heal a relationship. Forgiveness is a pathway to healing relationships and mediation can help if this is the goal. Forgiveness releases anger, resentment and one’s entitlement to revenge. It is done for one’s own benefit, not for that of the other person. Forgiveness is a learnable act that needs to be chosen, not taken on as an obligation. When both parties in a relationship consent to forgiveness and undertake it as part of the mediation process, they enable relationship repair. A mediator can help parties move toward healing if they are open to it. 

In bilateral forgiveness, both parties express sincere apologies or remorse for harms done and provide heartfelt forgiveness for harms endured. This honest exchange shifts the relationship from a story of pain to a story of renewal and hope.

In cases where only one party consents, unilateral forgiveness can still help to recover from a difficult relationship and can benefit the person undertaking the act. Unilateral forgiveness requires nothing from the other person. It is unconditional and always possible. And it can help the person in other relationships, as forgiveness also involves forgiving oneself.